Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
