dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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