Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
