I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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