my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
