Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
