I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
