I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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