I need to stop coming to work sober
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
