4 words: hood of his car
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
FUCK WHALES
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
