Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
All the doctor said was why
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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