I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
