I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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