I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
