Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
