YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
