I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
