I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
