it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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