i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
