I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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