i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
