I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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