I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
