Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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