Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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