That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
there is puke in my bra ... again
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
