he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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