My nipple is on Facebook.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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