I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
