i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
