I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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