I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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