whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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