Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just found puke in my bra..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
