Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
