Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
