1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
