so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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