My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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