Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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