HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
