Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
