hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
