That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
