I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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