Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
