Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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