Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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