I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
