We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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