I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
