But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
