I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The Olympian is in my bed
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